CRECC 2000: In a race that, interestingly enough, pitted the previous two CRECC
champions against one another, defending champion Marty Klipp gutted out
another course record in a blazing 25:57 to claim double prize money. This
time, however, he did it wearing a dress, which I’m sure impressed 1998
champ Chad Goldsmith almost as much as the spectacular finishes executed by
the members of the Cedar Falls and Ames area harriers, including several
buttock sightings and a red bra and g-string combination that shamed
everyone into rethinking their comparatively conservative wardrobes for next
year.
The 2000 event produced another new women’s champion, Lynne DeVore,
who shattered the two year old course record in a lovely knee-length
patterned little number to take home a double cash purse as well. I’d like
to mention that a close second place went to Shawn Flanagan, 20 seconds
back, and although she was snubbed during the awards ceremony her trophy
was eventually mailed. Because of the race director’s penchant for late nights
and alcoholic venues featuring candlelight and crowds, tabulation errors
were inevitable at such an early hour (i.e. before noon).
Speaking of purses (as if I were...), I must say that my new red
purse, matching shoes, and necklace were a big hit thanks to Candy O’s
accessorizing savvy. I felt somewhat self-conscious, however, because of a
recent weight gaining trend that has plagued me since September, resulting
in the snugness of my polka dot knee-length with the slit down the middle.
No apologies were given and no prisoners were taken as the out of towners
upstaged everyone with organized singing, partying, flashing, and horn
blowing. JR and John made fashion statements that were once again as strong
and cumbersome as any. I’m sure the arrival of the “Chicks” truck was a
welcome sight for the neighborhood. Brad had a major fun bag reduction and
traded in his feather boa for a sleeker, runner-friendly look that helped
him finish 4th overall behind stud-monkey Bob Strickland. Brian Long
finished alone and less stressed this year, but no less a woman, yellow
scarf in tow. Fashion virgins Tim Strandberg, Bill Ingels, Dick Morrison,
and Kevin Ballard will likely not appear in the People’s sexiest men (or
women) issue any time soon. Ballard and Ingels wore patterns so horrible
that they nearly imploded into a black hole when posing together for a
photo. Lori Long was stunningly petite in her Pebbles and Bam Bam motif,
while Carrie and Claudia were magnificently subtle and elegant – at least
when compared to most of the tramps that for whatever reason this event has
come to attract in recent years.
I don’t really know what else there is to
say. In conceiving this event, my goal was to contribute positively to the
running community in general, and as it is, it’s been nothing short of a
travesty. I’ve had people (like Kevin) cheating the post office, and
people (like Bill Bails) paying entry fees with parking tokens, casino
chips, and Canadian dimes. Incredibly, Rick Troupe (I think that was his
name, anyway) won the ONPRRF (otherwise non prize receiving random finisher)
award this year, capping his wonderfully exposing finish line performance in
fitting means. Kudos!
In spite of it all, each one of the record 41
finishers, dresses or not, deserves a thorough spanking round of
thanks. This year’s donation goes to the Bob Wedo Sports Complex fund
raising effort. Maybe some good will come from this filthy perversion of
sport after all. Thanks as well to the volunteers, especially since Susan
was out of town. Couldn’t have done it without Candy, Shannon, Jim, Jenny,
Ron, Lucie, Dixie, Linda, and Sharon.
By the way, there were a lot of
dirty old men hanging around this year. Looks like the 50-82 age group
will need some revamping if this trend keeps up. We can’t have the
competition getting so fierce that little spurts of nail breaking and purse
slapping break out. Until next year…
